We're with you: Christmas sucks. But then there doesn't seem to be any way of avoiding the damn thing, right? For one more year, you'll have to see all those high-street decorations dusted off and slung back up over street lamps. Surely it'd be better to just get on a plane and be done with the hell that is Yuletide spirit?

So in the spirit of Scrooge we've found you the top places on the planet to escape Christmas – where the locals care no more about some fat guy in a fluffy red-and-white suit than they do some fat guy.

Afghanistan
To avoid the Christmas bru-ha-ha, Afghanistan is Top O' The Pops. In a place where women can't show as much as an ankle, not much fuss is going to be made over Christmas trees and lights.

Plus, the Taliban are not particularly fond of all things Western, and what could be more Western than a shambolic ritual which first found life as a Coca-Cola marketing ploy?

For many of us, the dangers of Afghanistan pale in comparison to the commercial horror of Christmas: and if that's you, danger might be what you're seeking anyhow – and they do not come any more dangerous as a travel destination.

If you fancy flying to Afghanistan, you're clearly a nutter: try finding an Afghan airline with the funds to get a presence on the internet, let alone get a Boeing off the ground.

Much better is to jump the first Emirates flight to Islamabad, Pakistan, for around £500 return and bus it across the border for a few rupees. Please: send us an email if you make it in one piece.

Morocco
If that all sounds a bit crazed, a jaunt over to Morocco is probably more realistic. Think about it: 20 degrees, the magic of Marrakesh and the decidedly non-Santa Claus phenomenon of Ramadan.

You can get there quick with British Airways, but for loads of dosh (around £200); cheaper, and more fun is flying to Malaga – where Christmas cheer will have gripped those lovely, mad Spaniards utterly – with easyjet for around £100-120 and making your way down to Gibraltar, from where Tangier and Rick's Cafe, if you're a Casablanca fan, is just a short hop away.

Bahrain
This is a bit in the Afghanistan mode of suggestion, but for avoiding Christmas, Bahrain is also the goods.

It's got both types of religion: Shi'a Muslim and Sunni Muslim, and Christians laden with Christmas stockings are as likely to get their arms chopped off as greeted with open arms.

Well, okay, that's just plain old The Sun Says scare-mongering: really, Bahrain is the most modern and liberal of all the Gulf states, well used to travellers and English is widely spoken.

And, in all honesty, we can't promise there won't be the odd Christmas carol being beamed out over the city's many expensive department stores, so keep your wits about you.

We're only suggesting the place, in fact because it's (a) hot (around 25 degrees) and (b) cheap to get to during December and January – around £400, which is cheap for flights to the Middle East (if you want to live – go to Am I Going Down? for stats on your survival chances on some of the less reputable airlines).