| 'Coming
out' is an odd expression and one which describes
a decidedly odd process. When I finally made the
decision to tell my family that I was gay, I realised
I was going through something a straight person
would never have to. When I was going out with boys
I certainly never sat down with my dad and said
'Listen Dad, I'm sleeping with men now', but that's
basically what I did when it came to my relationship
with a woman.
My parents handled it fantastically. Any concern
they may have had was more to do with the fact that
I was coming out of a long-term relationship (painful
in any circumstance), and that I was now positioning
myself within a 'minority'. I was no longer part
of the norm and because of that they could foresee
problems for me that I wouldn't have to face if
I was straight.
For example do I tell people at work that I've got
a girlfriend? Is it safe for us to hold hands in
the street? Can I kiss her in public? Things which
you take totally for granted when you're in a straight
relationship become matters of much thought when
you're gay.
However, the good stuff outweighs the bad. Feeling
things make sense – emotionally as well as
sexually – for one thing. I still find men
attractive but I realise now that there is something
about being with a woman that is more than just
the most exciting sex I've ever had. The way that
I perceive myself has changed as well. I feel sexier
and more womanly, but also stronger and more sure
of myself.
I believe that once you make the step of actually
saying
the words, (I hid round the corner
of the landing when I told my mum and muttered something
very cryptic which, thank God, she understood),
you will realise that what comes after is not the
apocalypse that you tell yourself it's going to
be. The build-up to the conversation is pretty torturous
but once you've opened your mouth and you can't
take the words back, it gets easier.
Reactions to my revelation ranged from 'Yeah, I
always thought you were gay – yawn' to 'Really,
how interesting, anyway did you see EastEnders
last night?' I was almost a bit upset by the anti-climactic
nature of the whole thing. What I was left with,
however, was not only an immense sense of relief,
but also the realisation that I had gone through
possibly the most difficult thing I would ever have
to do and had come through it unscathed and with
all my important relationships intact.
— Karen Shaw 04.10.00
Useful websites to visit include:
The
London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
National
Friend
Gay.Com
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