|
|
|
 |
 |
| |
|
| |
|
You might think you're hooked
on nooky but if you were you'd really know about it, as
this 40-year-old's story tells. Alex became addicted to
sex when he was just four years old. His world was shattered
when his mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour and he
began rubbing his genitals for comfort. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Unfortunately
this escape route lasted into adult life. He became a
sex
addict . Now in recovery, he is still fighting
his addiction.
'I used to spend 23.5 hours a day
looking for sex or thinking about it,' says Alex. 'I can't
tell you how many people I had sex with. They all consented,
but I manipulated them.
'As an addict, I became four years
old again. I was very dangerous – anyone disconnected
is very dangerous. I had poor judgement and I was insensitive.
I could have ended up assaulting or raping someone.
'People ask "what do sex addicts
look like?" I say "have you got a mirror?". They are normal
people who just cope – brain surgeons, lawyers. They
appear to operate well but they're not fully connected.
'I was not fully connected, I was
functioning in a dysfunctional way. I was obsessed.'
Sex addiction takes many forms,
from repeated infidelity to an insatiable need for
sex. It affects up to eight per cent of men and
three per cent of women. The difference between
sex addiction and someone who just enjoys sex is
the guilt and unhappiness the addiction creates.
Alex says: 'I felt driven by it.
I didn't have a choice. For ages, I hadn't realised it
was a problem. Then I realised it was killing me emotionally
and physically.
'But I also know it saved my life.
If I'd acknowledged how isolated I felt as a child, I'm
sure I would have had a breakdown. I discovered that if
I rubbed my genitals it felt good, comforting. It led
me to a fantasy world and I got stuck in it.
'My fantasies were very angry and
violent. When I look back they were sadistic. They had
a lot of mutilation. It reflected my situation.'
Alex began to feel more isolated
as a teenager. He desperately wanted people to like him,
but he was bullied. He imagined having sex with people
as a way of coping. Now, with his teenage years behind
him, Alex has been in therapy. He is gay and in a stable
relationship.
'I no longer use sex to keep myself
safe, now I feel protected and comforted. I am not still
stuck in my childhood terror. I have learnt that sex and
life are not completely separate entities.'
— Adele Waters 15.09.00
|
|
|
