The bloke: Channel editor Dan Crimes. Our mission: To make his scabby teeth whiter.

How can we put it? Our Dan was in a bit of a state. Frankly, the rest of us were sick of sharing the office with his morning-after sheep's carcass breath following yet another cer-azy night on the tiles.

Enough was enough: we sorted him out with an extra-strength mouthwash to banish the rotten stench…and that was when we saw his teeth – perfect but for that attractive yellowish film that refused to budge. Can teeth be jaundiced?

'It's a problem,' he admitted. 'I've spent years perfecting this shade, but I'm a bit sick of it now.' There was nothing for it but to try out the Natural White Rapid White (value pack!), £19.95 from Superdrug – a tooth-enamel whitening system, 'For the smile you've always wanted'.

But first we had train him to start brushing his teeth from time to time. He's progressing well: 'I'm doing it once before bed and once after,' he announces proudly. Good lad, Dan – now let's get those gnashers looking sparkling white.

Dan's modest smoking habit of around six a day and the copious amount of coffee consumed to atone for his frequent (and raging) hangovers, haven't helped matters. But let's see what this Rapid White stuff can do for him.

The blurb on the packet proclaims the product is endorsed by 'supermodel and actress Kim Alexis - Dan seems suitably impressed: 'Well, if Kim reckons this stuff's the dog's, it must be good,' he says, nodding sagely. So now it's time to get started. Are you ready for this? It might be a bit shocking and those of a weak constitution should maybe log off now. You've been warned…

Click here for Dan's oral horror show.